The Raspberry Bush
by Sophiacharlotte
Summary: Angst/ Caryl fluff. Future in the ASZ


AN: this is a one shot I wrote and I'm not super happy with it, but I thought I would put it out there. This is in the future, after the war with Neagan. Let me know what you think :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

When it happened, it happened quickly.

A routine trip outside the walls of the ASZ was nothing new for Carol. After the all out war with Neagan their supplies were greatly diminished. Foraging was nothing new, she was known for going several times a weeks. Acorns, berries, the odd rabbit. Sometimes she went fishing.

It was peaceful. She liked getting out on her own. Little by little the time on her own was helping her break through her own walls. Helping heal. She needed that.

She'd come back to the safe zone for one reason. Daryl. She saw the anxiety, she caused him by seperating from him at the Kingdom. She couldn't hurt him anymore.

The weight hanging on her soul at all that she had done, all that she was capable of for those she loved was nothing compared to watching someone she cared about, no...loved, she thought with a sigh suffer at her absence.

She loved him. She couldn't deny it anymore. She loved him. It was part of the reason she had run. A love like that would only hurt her in the end. Especially when she knew she couldn't act on it.

She knew he cared about her, possibly loved her, but she just didn't think having a relationship was something Daryl was capable of.

When he'd come to get her at The Kingdom, after The war with Neagan, he'd cried. Tears streaming down his face, he'd barely been able to speak, other than one thing he'd repeated, over and over. "I need you, I can't loose you too."

His words throwing back her own words in her face, had given her a stunning realization. She couldn't cause him pain. Even if it hurt, to be near him, to long for him. To love him with every part of her being, she wanted to protect him at all costs. She'd never been very good at putting herself first.

So back to The ASZ she'd went. Gradually over time she'd started to heal. Neagan was rotting away in a jail cell, and although she disagreed with Rick's decision she understood it.

Morgan had given her a book about Post Traumatic Stress disorder in soldiers, although she'd rolled her eyes initially at him. ("I'm not a soldier, "she'd snapped. He'd only smirked and said "read it." )

Read it she had. She'd sat on her bed crying at the testimonials of men and women. All of them who, seemed to echo her own thoughts, and feelings. The book was her most prized possession, ear marked on her night stand. Her and Morgan had developed an easy friendship. Something she'd never thought possible. It was Morgan who had been pushing her recently to talk to Daryl, Morgan who tried to encourage her to tell him of her feelings.

"That man is as awkward as the day is long. But anyone can see how he feels. Don't loose your chance." Morgan had said.

Maggie had said the same thing on a visit. She'd moved to the Hilltop with Enid who'd become a surrogate sister/daughter to Maggie to await the birth of her child. Glenn's death had shown them the necessity of staying close to the physician.

Carol had gone on a routine trip to the Hilltop to visit with Daryl, Rick and Michonne. Maggie had pulled her aside.

"Don't loose your chance Carol. It will have to be you, but he feels it. I know he does. Don't let that go. " she'd whispered tearfully into her neck as Carol had clung to the pregnant woman.

None of them understood Daryl like she did though. She was sitting in a patch of raspberry bushes two buckets almost completly filled as she worked diligently picking the plump berries. None of them knew how damaged he was. None of them knew how hard it was for him to push past it. She wouldn't push anything on him he didn't want. If he needed her near to be happy, she would stay, even if it was killing her inside a little every day.

A noise in the bush caught her attention then. Her head shot up her eyes peeled she watched as three walkers stumbled out of the thick viny bushes.

"Shit."

Dropping her bucket she quickly picked off two with her knife, then watched as more and more started to stumble out of the bushes.

Damnit time to run. She ran through the bushes. The spindly branches whipping at her body and slapping her back as she tried to stay a few steps ahead of the herd. There was one Walker that seemed to be keeping up to her, despite her best efforts, the branches became more thick. Difficult to break through.

The dead hand managed to reach out and she felt it claw at her back before she turned and put him down.

She lost the rest of the walkers in the thick brush. Heading home with a sigh at the two lost buckets of raspberries she entered the gate with a nod at Eugene and headed home.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The hot water was working today. It felt wonderful as Carol stood under the shower, letting the strain of her near miss, be eased away. She put some soap on a washcloth and washed her back hissing at the sting, the soap caused.

Getting out of the shower she wrapped a towel around her body, turning gingerly she grabbed Rick and Daryl's shaving mirror to see her back in the mirror. A gasp escaped her at the long thin scratch running diagonally across her back.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Carol sat on her bed, her door locked. Her gun, (loaded) a thermometer, a pair of handcuffs she'd swiped from Rick and her book in front of her.

The door was locked. Daryl was on a scouting mission with Aaron and would probably only be back in the morning if they came back at all before heading out again. She would wait this out.

It could be a scrape from the raspberry bushes and the sharp brush that had surrounded them. More than likely, that's what it was, a sharp branch had whipped her back while she ran. More than likely... But not absolutely. The memory of the Walker grabbing her back ran through her mind. She hadn't felt a scratch, but she'd been hyped up on adrenaline, she couldn't be sure.

Tears trailing down her face she cuffed herself to the bed, then lay down to wait. She was tired crashing hard after the adrenaline rush and she refused to be a danger to her family. If it happened she prayed Daryl did not find her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Carl...have you seen Carol?"

Rick stuck his head into Carl's room grimacing at the smell that struck him. He smirked at the fact that some things about teenage boys never seemed to change.

Carl barely looked up from his comic. "Pretty sure that was her I heard in the shower awhile ago. She's probably in her room."

"What's wrong?" Michonne said coming up to him, with a peck on the cheek.

"Eugene said when Carol came back from foraging she looked busted up. I just wanted to see if she's ok. You know how she is." Rick grinned as Michonne trailed kisses down his neck.

Michonne stood back. "You're right..." She murmured then walked down the hall to Carol's room.

She put her finger to her lips, listening as a sound seemed to filter out the door.

"She's crying." Rick whispered with a frown. Knocking on the door he asked. "Carol... You okay?"

Her sniffling stopped, he heard her cough clearing her throat. "I'm ...f...fine."

"She doesn't sound fine." Michonne murmured to him.

Rick tried to walk in to find the door locked. "Carol open the door."

"I'm okay Rick...I'm fine." Her voice was wrong...totally wrong.

"Carol, we're worried about you...open the door." Michonne tried.

"It's better that I don't. I can do this by myself." Carol responded from inside. "I don't want to hurt you guys." She whispered.

That did not sound good. "Carol open this door now!" Rick yelled.

"I can't" she whispered.

Rick and Michonne looked at each other before kicking the door down together.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"It could be...but it might not." Rick whispered as he examined her back. Sitting down with a sigh he slumped on her bed, looking at the woman who was like a sister to him.

"You weren't going to tell us?"

Carol sighed staring up at the ceiling, Michonne who was sitting next to her in the bed had already uncuffed her.

"If the fever comes...I'll end it." Carol murmured nodding at her gun.

"So that's it, you were just going to kill yourself without a thought to any of us?" Rick was pacing now. "What if it is a branch scrape and you just get an infection? What about Daryl? You...you wouldn't give him a chance to say.." Rick's voice broke. "To say goodbye?"

"Rick.." Carol said with a sigh. "I can't do this to him. It's better, if it's going to happen if I'm just gone when he gets back."

Rick stared at her incredulously. "You're trying to protect him? From this?"

She nodded as Michonne clasped her hand.

"No...that ain't happening." Rick turned "Michonne stay with her... I'm gonna see if Daryl and Aaron are close enough for Eric to reach them on the walkies."

Xxxxxxx xxxx xxxxx xxxxxxx

Daryl sighed cracking his back as he stretched out on the floor of the garage him and Aaron had cleared as a safe house.

It reminded him of another garage, when he'd been with the claimers. He blinked shutting that memory down. No need to dwell in the past that had always been his problem.

Aaron had gone out to the car to try and reach Eric on the walkie. They were only an hour or so from the safe zone, it was good to check in before they ventured further out again.

He rolled over bunching the blankets under his chin, his mind occupied with his favorite pass time. Carol.

His thoughts drifted back to before the prison, when they would bed down together for warmth. He could almost still feel her, if he tried. Her soft breath on his neck.

She was a snuggler, she gravitated towards him in her sleep. The first time it had happened, he'd been stunned. It didn't ...bother him. He'd experimentally touched her innocently. Surprised when the presence of another human being did not repel him. He grew to love those nights. He made sure to bed down next to her, when she was asleep he wouldn't even wait for her to make her way over. He would simply pull her to him. Her warmth was comforting her presence was addicting.

That's what she was to him. In her own queit little way she'd become the one thing or person he could not live without. He was addicted to her. He needed her, to breathe, to be happy. He needed her to breathe.

Somehow his existence became tied to hers. Knowing she was safe, secure, protected, was the only way he knew how to function anymore.

He just wished he could make her happy.

She had come back for him, he knew that. He'd basically been on his knees. Begging her, he hadn't been ashamed of the fact he was crying. But he was ashamed of the fact that he took advantage of her.

He knew without a doubt, she could not stand to hurt him. So he'd let it go. All the pain he felt at the thought of living without her. She'd seen it in his eyes. He wouldn't make it without her. He needed her to breathe.

So she came back.

The fact was, she wasn't happy. He could see it on her face. More than anything that's what he wanted. To make her happy. To be what she needed.

A real man would let her go. A real man would not place the burden of his emotional well being on the shoulders of the woman he loved.

But he did, he loved her, he had no idea what to do about it, other than the fact he knew he could never let her go.

He didn't want to kill that spark in her, by forcing her into something she didn't want. If he made his feelings clear he knew, without a doubt that she would not reject him even if she didn't feel the same. She couldn't hurt him. It was impossible for her. He'd been waiting. Waiting for some sign. That she was ready. That she loved him too. All the while dreaming of holding her close. Of the curve of her hip. Of the way her neck smelled. Her scent. Her smile. Those eyes.

She was his everything.

He turned as Aaron came in, looking at him with an ashen face.

"What's wrong?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He tore through the gates on his bike, not slowing down or stopping he speed up as he headed to the house pulling up onto the grass.

Three steps later he was making his way past Rosita who had Judith in the living room taking the stairs three at a time, his boots a thundering pounding coming up the stairs.

His heart thudding. He paused at her door. She was sitting up against the headboard, with Michonne on one side of her and Rick on the other, she's drifted asleep her head falling onto Ricks shoulder.

A noise escaped his lips. He wasn't sure what it was as he took her in. His chest hurt, literally ached with longing at the site of her.

Michonne looked up and nodded at Rick. Rick got up off the bed and came to the door speaking to Daryl.

"Glad you're back."

He nodded, opened his mouth again and only a sob escaped.

"Hey...no fever yet. We're gonna be positive. Alright? Positive." As Rick spoke he grabbed the back of Daryl's neck giving him a little shake so that he could focus.

Daryl's throat was tight, he felt as though he couldn't breathe.

"I ...can't...I can't..." He started to say but he was interrupted by Rick.

"You won't"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She was sleeping, he was sure of that, her breathing was deep, and clear, he had layed down beside her, pulling her back so her back was to his front. One arm under her neck coming down around her shoulders the other clamped down around her stomach. If anyone saw him, Daryl was sure they would think he was hugging Carol to him like a child might there favorite Teddy Bear, and he was.

"She's not feverish?" Michonne whispered from the doorway.

He leaned up wiping a stray tear from his cheek before he shook his head no.

"Eugene said she came back at one pm. It's almost midnight. That's good thing. Have faith." Michonne said as she pulled an easy chair Carol had up to the side of the bed.

"Sleep." She simply said. "I'll watch over you both."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The voices in the background just outside her consciousness, were reassuring to Carol. Somehow she wasn't alone. She was warm and she was safe.

"If it happens it will kill him."

"We don't know that it will. It might be nothing...it might be the push he needs."

"How can they just be asleep? I mean none of us can sleep. We're too worried. How can they be asleep?"

"I'd rather they sleep."

Carol heard a few murmurs of agreement realizing her room was filled with voices.

The group was there, in her room. She thought with a smile, she should wake up. She should thank them for being there, but she was too warm, too comfortable. Too safe to break the spell that the last hold of sleep had on her.

"Holy shit is that the time?"

"It's 7am."

Carol felt a cool hand touch her forehead then a relieved sigh. She felt Rick's scruff as he kissed her forehead.

"She's gonna be ok."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sun was the first thing that woke Daryl . The blind on Carol's window was up and the sun, the sun was beating in on them, surrounding her bed in light and a pleasant warmth.

He startled as he woke, cursing himself for falling asleep, he was still clutching Carol like a lifeline. She was breathing. She was not feverish. He glanced at the clock on her bedside and saw 11am.

Putting his face in her neck, he let himself go. Tears falling freely and silently.

Her hand came up, threading threw his hair softly.

"You're back." She whispered not moving.

"Yeah" he murmured placing a kiss at the base of her neck. He pulled down the strap of the tank top she was wearing, placing his lips all along the scratch. "I heard what you were going to do." He muttered hardly even able to voice it, to think it. "What do I gotta do to show you, you ain't alone?...if...if..." He paused pressing his forehead to her back. "If this had been it, you can damn well be sure I would want to be there, you don't got to protect me from pain. We're in this together."

She rolled unto her back staring up at him as he was towering over her. Biting her lip she was pensive. "It's the only way, that I know how to show you I love you."

"Damn it... I'm fucking crying again!" Daryl murmured burying his face in her neck as she giggled. "You know I love you too right?" He whispered into her skin.

She sighed running her fingers through his hair. "I know... But is this too much for you?"

"No... I know you, but I wasn't sure if you felt the same way. I knew that even if you didn't, if I made a move you would do anything for me. I needed it to be you to be sure." Daryl murmured. Her skin was just too much, taunting him with her smell as he nestled his face more into her neck. Inhaling her scent.

"I tried to run from this. If I lost you, that's the only thing that would be my undoing." She smiled up at him, and he felt his heart fill. Her smile was like sunshine when he'd been in the dark for so long. "That's why I didn't want you to have to watch, if I died. I thought it would be easier for you..."

"It wouldn't have been easier only worse. Knowing I'd never get a chance to be with you... How I dreamed it to be." It was easier to say how he felt with his face buried in her neck. Baby steps. He was getting there. He'd never keep his feelings for her a secret again, even if he had to write them down. Fuck keeping shit in.

"What do you dream of?" She whispered as her legs came up and around his waist.

He groaned kissing her neck. " I dream of holding you at night." His hand came up so his fingertips could trail down the other side of her neck. "I dream of being inside you. Feeling you around me." Fuck maybe it was getting easier to say how he felt.

She shivered, pulling his face up to hers and their lips meet. He quickly moved to position himself in between her legs, cursing the fact they were still wearing clothes. He reached to grab the hem of her shirt when he heard a sound of someone clearing their throat at the door. Looking over the door he grinned at Rick and Michonne, who were smirking. Michonne had Judith on her hip and was playfully covering Judith's eyes from the scene.

Rick glanced at Carol's broken door. "Friendly reminder Carol no longer has a door." He said with a grin. "There's children in the house."

Daryl grinned picking up Carol bridal style heading down the hall to his room, flicking Rick the bird over his shoulder. "Might wanna invest in some ear plugs then." He growled as he shut him the door giving him and Carol badly needed privacy. The sound of her laughter floated around the house.


End file.
